Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
