I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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