Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
