your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hippo gnu deer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize