the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
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I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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