we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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