Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
