I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
