arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
