hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
