I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
