My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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