You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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