She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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