I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
