i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
