Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
