I seem to have left my pride at pride
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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