this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
