Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
