I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
