i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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