I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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