You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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