i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
