Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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