Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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