I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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