I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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