Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
