Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
