I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
