That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
