Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
