We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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