Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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