took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
