i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
