Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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