please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
