Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
