and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
