Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
