I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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