ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
