Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
