So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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