john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
