Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she pinky promised me she was 18
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
