Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
