I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
