so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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