Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.