There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?