I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst