You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.