sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.