Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?