look no pants
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.