I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
