I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
