Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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