I can text with my tongue
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
