dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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