K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
