Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
