the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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