im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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