omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
