Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
