I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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