My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
