Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
