I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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