walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
