I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
