Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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