I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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